See ya later old post...

Eww! What a depressing post to see over and over again, eh! LOL

Even I can't stand it anymore... So you get this crappy short post instead until tomorrow. Kids have been sick ALL week. Dennis is sick now. Ugh!

Been hooking up a storm around here and have some things to share. Sewing pillows today. Reconstructing an old bedspread from the old days to new throw pillows. I'll share soon. Got an agenda for the blog. Scheduling time for it. Apparently I need to do that, who knew.

Talk soon!
Peace.

Thoughts

Where the hell does time go?
And why do I never seem to have enough?

White Out!

Been MIA for awhile.
Staying away from the computer and investing time in creative stuff.

Brother doing well. Thanks for the prayers :)

Snowing like mad here.
Insane white stuff!
About an inch an hour now.
Beautiful.

Here is some photos from my little piece of the world today...In all it's white glory.

Was CHANGE an omen?

When I chose my word for the year, change, I really meant strictly personal reference to myself. Not to my family, by any means.

What a week.

Dennis, (My amazing husband for those that don't know...) works for a company called QuebecorWorld Inc. Midland.

On Monday, employees were notified that the company would be filing bankruptcy. I don't mean just my husband's plant, I mean the Canadian and American PLANTS. Dennis brought home a bunch of forms with information regarding the bankruptcy, that included FAQs and other mumbo jumbo.
The news hit the finance market across the world.

I can speak for my husband and our friends who also work there (including MY sister) by saying we were really shocked. This is not your small little printing business. They have plants and offices in Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Finland, France, India, Mexico, Peru, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland and the United Kingdom as well as the U.S. in Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, Georgia, Illinois, Iowa, Kentucky, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan (This is us), Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, and West Virginia. They employ around 29,000 people.

Dennis and I talked into the early morning on Tuesday. The what ifs and what will we do's...And then both of us realized it doesn't matter. It is so far out of our control. Tuesday morning we called and requested a 401K update be mailed to us and watched the news and net for information.

The employees had originally been told it would NOT affect their paychecks. BY Wednesday that had changed. The company was awaiting an OK from the U.S. Courts that would allow the company to proceed with creditor protection. Until then the companies assets, including any money already allotted for pay was seized.

We live pretty much pay check to pay check. This was pretty frightening.

By late Wednesday evening word finally hit the news that approval had been granted.

Dennis did get paid today. As for the future. Only God knows.

I feel so bad for all the employees. Most people who work there have invested their adult working lives. Dennis has been there for 17 years. My sister 25. Some of our friends, 30, 31, 40 years.

Yes, there are the newbies, and the interns...but a majority of people have made this their life's work. And now they wait...like us...in limbo.

What do they print? Magazines, catalogs, books, a bit of everything depending on which plant. Cosmopolitan, Time, RubberStampMadness, Stamp & Scrap Artist, Sommerset Studio and all their special editions and publications, and they printed the Harry Potter Books.

I know something in me has changed. The "old" me would have been in emotional turmoil. But, in all honesty, I am calm. What will be will be. We could live off Dennis` 401K for about 6 months with no other income. But we both know if he didn't find a job with comparable pay (he currently makes over 20.00 and hour) we would have to sell our home. And that does make me incredibly sad. However, it is only a house. Our real home is where ever we are: together.

We do have great hopes after the restructuring the company will again raise to the economic giant it was and with very little employee loss.

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.
~George Iles

That is what we choose to believe in right now.

*sighs*

On a brighter note, I have finished 2, that's right TWO, projects! Both crochet, a preemie blanket and a pair of booties. I have two nieces due to have babies in July and August!
Yay for me!

I think I might try Ali's Creative Weekend project, so cute!

Ok, off to try and sleep. Have I mentioned how much I detest sleeping alone???? I hate when Dennis works nights...

♥ Tam

Change

That's my word.

2008 is going to be a year of change.

There is so much I want and need to change. My time management skills suck! I need to change my eating. I want to change. Be more productive, creative, conscious, healthy, positive, and I'd even like to post more. Ha!

First change...
Back to a 3-Column blog layout. So much better! Love the ability to have info on both side where as a double column layouts sidebar can be a mile long if you have a lot of info. Not for me.

Second change starts later this week.
Weight Watchers...
I can't believe I even typed that.
I need to lose weight...end of the excuses. I suck at dieting. SUCK! This is big for me, and Dennis is doing WW with me. LOVE that guy. I'll post more about WW later.

Creatively...
I am doing my own 365 project. Not writing in stone that I MUST take a photo a day. If I don't take a photo I HAVE to journal. It works for me. I'll post some at my Flickr account. ALix, if you're reading this I bought the Flickr Pro account and have NO clue how to anything, LOL Send me help when you can, puhleassee? :)

Set a goal of 365 layouts for 2008.
Lofty, yes.
Possible, yes.
We'll see.

Finishing ALL my unfinished projects.
This includes mini books, putting the article, ads, crafts instructions into my inspo book, my crochet projects, a couple canvases...all the "I HAVE to try this!" projects I started and stopped. I need a clean slate.

Feel like I have so much more to say but my mind is betraying me and my eyes are too. Almost 5 a.m. and I have yet to sleep.

I WILL post again tomorrow...
mini goals...set + achieve = happy

Sue- If you're reading this please comment me with the link to your blog...I am having a hell of a time finding it. Thanks much!

♥ Tam

So...

Cameron has been sick for 2 weeks. We took him to the doctor on Friday and he has a sinus infection. The child does not take meds. Ever since he contracted Rotavirus when he was 2 he will not take meds without gagging anf throwing up. I could just strangle those doctor's that prescribed meds instead of really test him to see what was wrong when he had Rotavirus...It almost killed him.

Anyway, it's a once a day thing, mass microbiotic. We bribr him so he will suffer through the gagging and try to keep it down. Please don't send me any emails if you are anti bribery, because frankly, I don't care. I do what I have to do. Don't judge me. I gurantee I wouldn't judge you. So...as I was saying.

Now I got this flaming constant heart burn feeling crap going on in my chest. I know it's bronchitis. Damn it!I was so proud of not getting sick this winter and now I am am all achy and hot then cold, cold then hot...Stupid. Makes me irritated.

Ash starts drivers training tommorow. HELLO! Where did my baby go?!?!?!
Makes me very nervous. The roads are crap, it is WINTER, ya know. Ugh! Not to mention the cost...$294.00 for the first session! FIRST! What in the hell! When I went to school it was free. FREE! Now it's half my house payment for crying out loud. Thanks to my sister & Mom for slipping the bill. Don't know what I would do without them sometimes.

Christmas was ok this year. My heart was not in it.

More later...The boy just woke up and needs some juice.
♥Tam

Happy New Year.

Will be back soon, promise.

Alive & Kicking

*plink plink plink*

Anyone out there?

It occured to me that some people may have thought something bad happened with my surgery and that I really needed to update this old blog because it was rude not too.

I am alive.
I am ok.

My surgery was ok.
Brief summary.
The procedures took just a little over 2 hours.
They removed 2 tumors from my left ovary. Yep, they seen one on ultrasound but there was really two. They were non-cancerous. YAY!
My ovary...poor thing was a little worse for the wear but they left her in there.

They also removed a tumor from the inside of my uterus. It was also benign. YAY!

However, after the D&C Dr. Hines was able to get a much clearer picture of my uterus and founf that all the veins that make of my uterus are in constant dilation. Basically there are "throbbing" all the time. He has seen it before but the bad news is it never goes away and is always extremely painful.

So, because of the tumors and now this he feels like the best thing to do to stop the pain and prevent new tumors (which could be cancerous at anytime) is to do a full hysterectomy.

I am great with most of that news. Another surgery. Not so happy about that. I wish it was done and over with.

My recovery was horrid. The first 2 days I felt good. The third day I only left my bed for the bathroom. I don't even remember much about that first entire week. Except I had a god awful sore throat from the breathing tube and then I got pneumonia.

Apparently this is pretty common after major surgery and breathing tubes. But it has taken me weeks to feel better. And I do feel better. Just not great. I want to feel great. But it isn't happening.

So now I decide when I want to be cut open again and I live on major narcotics until then.

But I don't have cancer.
And that is really all I care about.

During the wqeeks following my surgery life was crazy.
Ash started 10th grade.
She got her class ring.
I potty trained Cameron.
My niece, and best friend, and only person I trust to babysit, Jessica, moved 2 hours away to finish school to become an RN. I miss her so badly. I really feel friendless.

Dennis is working tons of hours.

And I haven't scrapped a single bit.
Nothing.

But I have read a bunch of books (James Patterson is the BEST!) and am seriously hooked on this web site.
King Games.

Ugh! Even Dennis is hooked! If you are a member there add me to your friends, my screen name is MrsDomesticBliss. I am there every night playing Word Battle...

Alix...
Be on the look out for some love from me to you. I sent you a package.
You kept me sane and positive with all your beautiful cards. And your mini of LONDON! The BEST GIFT EVER! I have looked at it a million times. I cherish it with ALL MY HEART! I really feel like I am there when I look at it. It makes me happy. And that my dearest friend is the bestest gift you could give anyone. EVER!

Big Homecoming Dance for the girl this weekend. Crazy busy getting her a dress, shoes, jewelry, appointments for nails and hair. Sheeesh. I share pictures soon of life in the post surgery lane.

Hope everyone is well out there.
Please say hi...I reformatted our computer and lost all my links so let me know your blog addresses. PLEASE!

Tam

The unknown...

I know...I know...

I haven't posted in a LONG time. My bad. I apologize.
Where have I been?
No where and every where...
How cryptic eh!

Truth is...
I was here. At home. Just absorbed in my own life. I had this sudden need to fill every breathing second with my babies and Dennis. I was...AM... afraid.

I am afraid.
The fact is, and I have mentioned this a kazillion times in previous posts, I am a big wuss. Technically speaking and to be more precise I have an insurmountable fear of the unknown. That scares the crap out of me. And this tumor(s) thing... It is too "unknown" for me to make peace with. And for the last few weeks I have buried myself in things like playing with my kids, coloring, talking about boys (with the Ash, she is almost 16...yikes!), watching movies, walking in the woods, washing walls and organizing cupboards, cabinets, and closets. This has helped me forget about Friday.

Until last night...
I was up 3 times just from hellish nightmares. 3 times. I would get up, go to the bathroom, get something to drink and dream right back into the hell I had just awoke from... Until at 6:30 a.m. I gave up and made coffee.

And today I couldn't focus on any task. So much I feel like I "need" to do... Make sure all the laundry is done, make a master list of where "things" are in case someone needs something, write out a school supply list/school clothes needing still to be purchased list, making a list of food Cameron "will" eat and his routine for bedtime...and explaining to the kids...letting them know...how much I love them.

Why does it always seem that amidst turmoil you always feel like you never said the things you wanted to say or not often enough? It's funny because I tell my kids a 100 times a day I love them...and yet...right now it doesn't feel like enough.

*sighs*

Today the one thing I did manage to accomplish was having some family photos taken. It is the first of all four of us. The photographs were taken here, in our yard where I am most at peace...where I love to be... And there were pictures of just the kids and just Dennis and I...And not posed and serious. I did NOT want that. I specifically asked not to be "posed". All I wanted was for the photographer to capture us...in our realness... together.

I love them. They are simple and powerful. And they capture what I "see" when I think of us...and I can have them tomorrow. Because I need them. I just need them. Before Friday... Before I go to the hospital. And they obliged. And I am grateful.

I have now been off all medicine for 10 days. Dr. Hines ordered all medicine ceased because a few could cause me to bleed out during surgery. Nice thought eh... *sighs* So for the last 10 days I have been in pretty much continuous pain. And yet another reason I haven't stopped... Because sometimes you just have to push through things to survive.

I have to go to St. Mary's in the morning for pre-surgery blood work and registration. Then no foods after midnight tomorrow and no liquids after 6:00 a.m. I have to be back at the hospital at 12:30 p.m. Friday where I will be admitted. My surgery starts at 1:45 p.m.

These are the procedures I am scheduled for:
Laparascopy
Operative Hysteroscopy
D & C with Abalation
And possible left ovary and fallopian tube removal.

Unless there is other masses in my cavity.

The joys of the unknown.... And the fear.
And the dread of trying to sleep and the nightmares...

And I'm sorry I haven't updated but I hope you understand...

Shrek in the house...

So, no layout photos.
I had a bad day.

And it all boils down to Shrek feet.

What are Shrek feet you ask?
Shrek feet are the new cankles.
And I have them.

Hideous things really. And sadly stingy like mosquitos biting me. This has become one of the many issues with whatever is going on inside of me. Even worse yet, they haven't went away. So, I have shrek feet.

Lovely.

And nausea. It's 1:46 a.m. and I haven't eaten since 10:30 a.m. It would be great if I were losing weight but I have Shrek feet to compensate for that.

And all in all... This post is hilarious. Who in their right mind tells people about their cankles?!?!

That would be me. And it makes me laugh sharing my Shrekiness with everyone.

And this makes me giddy! I pray I can come up with the expendable cash for this class!

Is there a call for models with Shrek feet?
LOLOL!

Ok...I'm out like donkey.
See ya around the swamp!

Thank you, guys :)

August 24th
2:00 p.m.

That's the date.
Dr. Hines called this past Friday and let me know. He had a pre-scheduled family vacation which explains the delay. Don't blame the guy at ALL.

I was more upset that my surgery is being performed at St. Mary's. I was hoping that it would be at Covenant. But Dr. Hines explained that they have the most state of the art equiptment and are a leading hospital in cancer care procedures, just in case.

But...I really dislike that hospital! This is the hospital my Mom had her brain surgery. Horrendous experience. I already made Dennis swear to never leave me alone. And I am adamant about it.

Seems unrational I know, but I seen how they cared or the lack of care the SICU gave her.

I wanted to say THANK YOU for the wonderful comments, thoughts, and prayers. They mean SO much to me, truly.
Thank you...

Debbie
Sally
Cindy
Michelle
Alix

You all are wonderful!

Hopefully share some new layouts soon. I have been scrapping since I can't seem to sleep anymore. I HATE night shift! UGH!

I miss the man. Plain & simple.

Mr. Sandman bring me a dream...

Again with the nightmares....enough already, please.
5:08 a.m. and I really have to find a better way to deal. Seriously.

I had my appointment with Dr. Hines yesterday at Valley OB. He delivered Cameron in 2003. That was a last minute emergency situation though. I had chosen to use the midwives exclusively after my first consultation with them. But the delivery went crazy, bad things, and Dr. Hines had to deliver Cameron via forceps.

NOT enjoyable either, I might add.

But this was the first time we "met". He is a nice man. He has seven children! ALL boys! Crazy!

After tons of paperwork and info swapping he gave me the "news":

Inside the wall of my uterus is a tumor/cyst. He "believes" this is endometriosis. There is also scar tissue at, near and around my cervix. This is from the forceps delivery. And on my left ovary which is distended high into my abdomen is a tumor. Around 1 3/4 to 2 inches. He is unsure if this is endometriosis but he wants to "believe" it is due to the history of both of my sisters. But he isn't sure.

He is concerned because my doctors documented systoms tend to lead more toward a cancerous tumor.

The only way to be sure is surgery.

So today I had a multitude of blood work including a CA-125 blood test. A CA 125 is a protein produced by your body due to a slew of different conditions and is found a lot in women who have ovarian cancer. But the test is not a benchmark and not considered a reliable determining test but as a "more information needed" type test.
I know I thought crazy too.

Within the next 4 weeks I will have 2 surgeries.

The first is a laparoscopy.
Dr. Hines decided since we are not certain of anything at this point a laparoscopy is our best bet to get "in there" and see what is going on. He will do a biopsy of the tumor on my ovary then remove it. The tumor will be sent away for what is called a hard biopsy. A hard biopsy is where a specialist will dissect the mass and test it for cancer and cancer cells.

Then he will look at/diagnose and address the tumor in the muscle of my uterus. If possible cauterize and/or remove it.

Then they will remove the laser and start a second surgery called a D & C with ablation. Basically removing the lining of my uterus and the scar tissue. This will be sent off for more testing.

If however when he goes into my abdomen and finds things are NOT what he believes them to be, meaning endometrisosis and a basic cyst, he will photograph and document everything and then remove the laser and that will be the end of the operations. AT that point he will consult with me again about more invasive measures, such as a full hysterectomy or other issues if he were to see tumors elsewhere like on my bladder, colon, intestines, etc.

After he told me all this he said simply, "There is something very wrong and I WILL find out what it is. You shouldn't suffer."

I was grateful for that.

And after Dennis and I talked with him another 20 minutes or so, I signed a consent. So... that is that.

And now I am scared. I am terrifies of having surgery. This is not my first. I had gall bladder surgery in 1991 and I was terrified then. I am more terrified now.

Not of cancer or that. But of the surgery itself. My blood pressure shot to 170/90. I am so scared. And now the nightmares are back. It doesn't help Dennis is on night side 12 hours shifts and I am home alone all night long. I miss him. I really do need him. Really. He is the strong one. Level-headed, much more positive than I am. How I wish he were here right now so I could sleep.

I guess I will just go play a game of cards or something...Maybe my mind will go numb and I can get an hour of sleep before Cameron wakes up.

Wish me luck.

Nervous...

Tommorrow is the day.
I'm nervous...
It hasn't been the best week. Apparently I internalize stress which leads to this amazingly God awful thing called ulcers. Whodathunk?!

So hot around here. We finally got a breather this afternoon with a nice thunderstorm. I'm excited to see Harry Potter and Transformers. Yeah, I know geekazoid but who cares... :)

My birthday is rolling around. The, yet another joyous event, is lurking in the recesses of my mind. The big 37. Getting ever so close to 40.

I received an amazing package from Karla.

Can you say HOLY SHIT?!?!
Uh, yeah that's what I said just before I started bawling like a 3 year old.
I won a contest a while back on her blog for the Autumn Leaves stamps but HOLY SHIT...all the 7 Gypsies stuff and the Autumn Leaves page kit, and Narratives rub's...My gawd!

K, this was a wonderful, way crazy amazing gift. I do not even know what to say other than, THANK YOU so much from the bottom of my heart. I could never repay you for such a generous gift but oif you are ever in my neck of the woods...It's drinks, karaoke (I KNOW you can sing girl!) and lot's of good grub!

This arrived on a perfect day when I was in a "poor me" slump about this medical crapola..and a very vivid reminder of the kindness and generosity of other people... Thanks again, K!

Off to shave my legs so the poor gynecological specialist doesn't think I am sasquatch's sister...

Choice

This morning as I choke down a bowl of cornflakes + skim milk (no sugar) and eat a piece of toast with strawberry All Fruit I am "to-do"ing my day. What I NEED to do versus what I WANT to do. Everyday requires a certain amount of NEED to-do's.

Breakfast.
Dishes.
Lunch.
Dishes.
Dinner.
Dishes.
At least one load of laundry.
Shower.
Play with my kids.

In no particular order mind you. Sometimes we have breakfast for dinner and I might not get a shower until 5 p.m. It just depends. But I do these on average EVERY day.

I don't necessarily like doing them. In fact, I hate doing the laundry. But I do them.

And today, I have amassed many loads of laundry do to slacking off. I also have to mop the floors from the many wet feet that tracked in and out of our house from yesterday's activities.

As I was eating the thought occurred to me that I can make a choice here.
Not a choice whether to do them or not, although I could do that. It really would be more detrimental to me in the long run and it has to get done.

But a choice to be happy about it. OK, maybe happy isn't the right word. OK with it.

And this is pivotal. (Also a word I like)

In life so many actions and reactions are affected by choice. The outcome as well.
If I spent all day being angry about my "chores" I would more likely than not be pissy at my kids, my husband, my life. Resentful perhaps, or even depressed.

So I choose to be OK with it.
It's my life. I am living and breathing. They aren't really hurting me. And I could NOT be able to do them. I could NOT be here. But I am. And I am grateful.

And the next time someone pisses me off, or I say that silent "Why me?" thought in my head I will remember it is all about choice.

The choice to be nice to other people.
A choice to love the life I have been blessed to live.
A choice to be thankful I have tiny hand prints to wash from the windows.
A choice to love the imperfect body I have that has grown 2 beautiful children and walked a 1,000 miles.

Everything is about choice.

And this is my lesson for the day.

Make the right choice.

A title escapes me tonight...

So much I wanted to say tonight...
It's 3:05 a.m.
I can't sleep.

I haven't read my blogs in forever.
But I did tonight...And this made me smile like a giidy kid! Congrats Emily, Mick, and Ivy! Baby Yindi is one of the most adorable infants I have every seen! I just want to smooch her cheeks!

And this made me fully of joy for Elise! I found Elise's blog months ago and emailed her. I have an eye for movers and shakers and I knew she would be one. Congrats Elise! Very deserving!

I got the most wonderful card from my friend Alix in LONDON! It is so beautiful Alix! Made me cry! And I know I never told you, but I always dreamt of visiting London and now, in a way, I feel as though I have...Thank you my friend.

Thank you Flapsi for your sweet comment on my post below...Touched my heart.

I know I have been elusive lately...vague. I'm sorry about that.

I mentioned in a previous post I had some procedures done in hospital last week. I received the results Friday at 5:00 p.m.

My x-rays were all negative for stress fractures = YAY!
My blood work showed an highly elevated white blood cell count for the 4th time in a row = :(
I have to have it all done again Monday, no choice.

And my intra-uterine ultrasound and regular ultrasound showed that my enometrium was severely thickened. And that I have a very measurable tumor that they could not diagnos.
.........
.........
I really just sort of went blank with that.

My doctor is refering me to a gynecological specialist whom I should have an appointment with this week. They are calling me Monday.

The only question that I asked was is it a cyst?
My doctor simply said no.

I have no idea what that means.


I know you're probably thinking what I am thinking now...Why didn't I ask more questions? Honestly...I was in shock. Yes, I realized something was wrong. I honestly thought it might be premenopausal symptoms. I will be 37 this month.

Both of my sister has endometriosis. Both had full hysterectomies before they were 45. Maybe...that's it.

Maybe it's a fibroid?
Maybe....

The funny thing I am more bothered knowing there is a strange mass in body that shouldn't be there. It almost makes me ill thinking about it.

I have been ok. I don't have a "poor me" attitude about this. I wouldhave a breakdown if I let myself believe it could be the "C" word. Not for me but my kids.

So I don't. I live just like always. The one and only thing I did ask Dennis to do was recheck our life insurance and consider raising mine. Seems morbid to some I suppose, but that last thing I would want one my mind if things were to turn out badly is will my kids be ok? Can Dennis afford childcare for Cameron while he works? Will as have a car when she gets her license?

I don't know... I'm ok though. Positive everything happens for a reason and God has a purpose for me, and this journey.

And I really just wanted to write this out to let it go...to release it from the weight it has set on me the last few days. And maybe I can go to sleep. Because that is eluding me tonight and my soul feels heavy.

Not a feeling I revel in, nor enjoy.

And all the good news floating around the blogs made me happy...and appreciative for the small things.

Now I am off in search of that elusive sleep...

Hugs to my friends, wherever you are....

Procedures now a Rest.

Got home from the hospital a little bit ago.
Just a day thing.
Procedures they call them.

Going to take a rest (as Cameron calls it)
And all things aligned right in the solar system hopefully update this later tonight.

Hobbled in Misery (Dontcha love titles! LOL!)

Do you ever question your choices?
Have personal debates about whether your motives and intentions were well thought out?
Do you ever bite off more than you can chew?

:::Sighs:::

I feel yuk lately.

Physically and mentally.
Physically my feet have been hurting like hell for 4 days. And I mean Hell. Walking is somewhere close to imagining what that guy felt like in Misery when Kathy Bates whacks him with a sledge hammer.
Yeah...not pretty.

So I drug myself to the doctor today and she thinks I might have stress fractures. We have been super busy working on the decks, garden (Yep! So excited! My Dad would be so proud!), putting in a new pool liner, and getting ready for Ash's Luau party Friday. I don't know. But I couldn't get in for xrays today. And I have stuff to do to get ready for Ash's party. So next week it is. Until then. I suffer. My choice really. But my kid, she busted her hump the last few weeks of school and we promised her this, so...Priorities. That is my top one.

Though I must admit the realization that in less than 48 hours I will have a small herd of 15/16 year old girls in my midst for 24 hours makes me want to run and hide. LOL!

And my blog...neglected.
And My Life Remembered. I feel really bad about that. I feel like I owe so much and feel like I am spread so thin. I haven't touched an art supply in weeks.

And as bad as I feel...Part of me is really good with it. I always wanted to be the Mom who rat5her get dirty with her kids... And now I do. I think after my cousins death I became more aware of how precious every little moment is.

And although I LOVE the art... If you're not living life, you make no memories and where is the art in that?

So this is my predicament my downfall.

I bite and can't chew.

And that my friends makes my soul heavy with shame.

Off to bed to rest my "Misery"ed feet.

Don Ho`ed me to the BBQ!

I like summer.

Emphasis on like.

I hate heat.

So when it is so hot outside you could wrap yourself in banana leaves and be the next entree on a hawaiian buffet....

I say YUK!

D I S O R D E R is N O T good!

*Edited - Photographic proof of our disaster*

Thanks Debbie, Lisa and Queenbusnick for the recipes! You're sweethearts!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
*long sigh*

Reevaluating lately.
I do this a lot.
I eliminate what isn't working for me and my little family.
Or add something that might make it better.

All I feel is chaos.

So much going on.
Not bad stuff.
OK, some not so good stuff.
My Mom has been super confused and yesterday there was a big battle. But that's actually less on my mind.

Anniversary was great.
We went out for a fabulous Chinese dinner. Dennis bought me the Foofala paper stack from Michaels, a bunch of Basic Grey Mini Books, paper, and embellies, a cool alphabet collection from Colorbok, and the LetraTag by Dymo which is so cool! He also got us (mutual gift) a new patio umbrella. It's gorgeous and deep navy and redwood. I love it.

Plus he is doing something I have wanted done for SO long. Staining our decks. This is quite a job. Our back deck is multi-leveled and about 30 feet long. The poor guy is working from 7 am to 7 pm and comes home and stains for a few hours. And let me tell you about a mess our backyard is! Ugh!


I don't do well with disorder. I just want it done. Seems like every single weekend we are busy working on something. There is no relaxing. Maybe I'll take some pictures later...And share our backyard disaster, lol

Does anyone eat yellow squash? I love it but have only had it fried and I planted some in my garden. Recipes would be greatly appreciated!

Love ya, Eug!

For my man...

Some pre-anniversary lovin`

A music tribute to our 20 years together and 16 of those legal ;)...

Currently Playing:
Heaven
Warrant
Our wedding song. The beginning.


In My Daughter's Eyes
Martina McBride
Just turned 21. The birth of our sweet round faced baby girl.


God Bless the Broken Road
Rascal Flatts
For all the times you sang to me... For always making me feel like I was the ONLY one.


I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
AeroSmith
For the thousands of nights we shared secrets, hopes, and dreams.


High Enough
Damn Yankees
Stupid fights. Childish games. A couple of teenagers fighting for something...something worth saving.


Joy Ride
Roxette
Our first apartment. First Car. First summer as grown ups.


It's Your Love
Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
The every day. Struggling to make a future...a life. Never losing sight of what was important.


Amazed
Lonestar
We lost your mom and grandma within 3 days of each other. I saw you hit rock bottom. I worried you would slip away from me...from us. And then one night you sang this to me...dancing on our back deck. Under the stars...and I knew everything would be ok.


If Tomorrow Never Comes
Garth Brooks
June 6th, 1999: Dad's funeral. Listening to hundreds of people say how much they loved him and what a good man he was. Seeing a part of Mom die that day. Feeling completely empty. Hearing this song as we said our last goodbyes at his coffin. And feeling your hand wrap around mine to let me know I was not alone.


Pink Houses
John Cougar Mellencamp
Buying our first home. Summer. Feeling like we had finally made the life we had dreamed of...


More Than Words
Extreme
Long car rides, bittersweet silence...Young kids finding their way.


How Far is Heaven
Los Lonely Boys
BBQ's, family, friends, cold beer and kiddos playing in the pool. Enjoying LIFE...every second.


Faithfully
Journey
16 and in love. Suppose it was silly at the time...all these years later still the exact same feeling.


Ignition
R. Kelly
Can't hear this without thinking of you sipping your drink of choice and dancing ever so...well ya know.


Wonderful Tonight
Eric Clapton
Because no matter where we are or what we are doing you always ask me to dance when this song is played...


What a Wonderful World
Louis Armstrong
For the past 16 years for the nest 16 years...for now and always.