Saturday, April 28, 2007

Creative truths...

When one is deathly sick for 8 straight days they have a lot of time to ponder about their life, loves, and even how many times they can possibly cough up a lung in one day (816 if you're interested...)

So here I am still sick.

But with a clearer head and heart. At least mentally, I still have PEWmonia.

When I decided almost a year ago to create a new blog that strayed away from my personal life and more into my hobby/crafty/artsy life I had thought it would open up some new magical universe of creative cajoling and beautiful camaraderie amongst others who love creating as much as I do. But I have to be honest and I in all honesty have not always been honest about who I am as a creative type and how different this scrap blogging world is compared to just a personal "bitch" blog about my life that I have had for years.

So here comes some soul-baring, embarrassing, truths about me, my life, blogging, and scrapbooking:

1. In the last year I have set foot in a scrapbook store twice.
2. The only supplies I have actually bought in the last 5 months were actually purchased with a gift certificate that my super sweet friend Penny sent me in an email after a particularly crappy weekend taking care of my Mom. *Thank you again Penny, it was such a sweet, kind, and generous gift I will not forget*
3. I have ZERO scrapbooking friends.
No one in real life and pretty much no one on the net I talk to regularly.
4. I don't have a web site or scrapbook community I hang out at. I have a gallery at 2peas and I think it has 5 things in it.
5. I don't own a fancy camera. I use a basic Olympus FE-170 point and shoot. It is all I can afford. And to be honest it will always be about the price I can afford. I will never own a D-40 S-80 whatever a lot of scrapbookers use.
6. I do not subscribe to any magazines.
7. I do not have any subscriptions to any kit clubs. I can't afford them. I wish I could, but I can't. That's that.
8. I will never attend a CKU. Way out of my price range.
9. I have taken 3 online classes. All with Shimelle. I have loved them all! I think Shimelle is awesome because she provides incredibly detailed and involved classes with really different creative approaches from women all OVER the world. The prompts and info is thought provoking, in-depth and beautifully presented. She is sweet and most of genuine and she makes me feel like my story is worth telling no matter what paper I use or album I put it in. And I can afford them. Are they worth more than she charges? Yes! I won't lie. But because of her generosity I feel like I am just like everyone else and for that, I am grateful.
10. I have never tried out for a design team. Or a manufacturer team, or a HOF or SOY contest.
Why? Because I don't think I am good enough to garner a second glance. And today, I am ok with that. If you had asked me a week ago I would have said I suck, I hate my work, it isn't worthy. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Would I like to be on a team?
Yeah! But my "not good enough" alter ego prevents me from even making a submission. So unless some magical design team person summons me via email personally, it's not going to happen.
11. I don't get mani-pedi's. LOL! Not my thing and not in my income.
12. I don't worship Starbucks. In fact I have never had anything from Starbucks.
Sorry Starbuck's worshippers. Maxwell House hot in my sunflower mug with a splash of cream is OK for me.
13. I also don't drink Diet anything. In fact I hate diet pop/soda. It makes my mouth taste like metal. But I do wish I could save myself the calories by doing just the above.
14. I am overweight/fat.
I am NOT a Gucci toting, Seven jeans, Anthropologie, Pottery Barn shopping girl. Price and sizes not for moi. But I love looking at what everyone else is wearing and filling their homes with.
15. I do NOT have a scrap "studio". Studio kills me. I have been scrapbooking since a studio was just a room. Now it's a studio. LOL! I used to have my own room aka studio but then I got pregnant with Cameron and the room went out to the shed and made way for a crib and changing table.
16. I use a lot of "vintage" scrapbook supplies.
Vintage=old school. Stickers and papers from years ago. Die-cuts and I even break out my Coluzzle every once in awhile. Why? Because it is what I have. And I consider myself damn lucky. 95% of the stuff I won came from the local scrapbook store I worked at. When Deb closed the store she gave us tons of stuff. But don't think "Oh my God, how lucky!" because like I said it was years ago and I am sure most of you might find stickers passe and old school pattern papers. However, if you choose to- Like I do- I am lucky to have them. And grateful.
One of the best things I have read lately and touches my heart personally is this quote from a super amazing scrapbooker named Karla Dudley:

"There's no [scrapbook] product that's out of date or politically incorrect...just people with soggy imaginations" -Karla Dudley

Amen to that girl!

17. I don't have a scrapbook style.
I just do whatever feels good to me and what I thinks looks cool or sophisticated, elegant or vintage depending on what I am working on. So I guess that makes me eclectically styled. ;)
18. Do I think there are any hard and fast rules about scrapbooking?
NO! It's art. And art is subjective. I mean come on, we all don't like bananas now do we? So why would we all like Elsie flannigan's free-spirited art or Ali's chic linear graphic approach? My point is don't bitch and moan about someone's art. If you don't like it.... Don't look at it. It really is that simple.
19. I don't purchase only bazzill card stock. LOL! Just typing that killed me into laughing hysterics. For one, I in general can't afford it and secondly, I like the texture but I have to be realistic about what I can and can not buy and what I could buy in place of some of the more expensive things. Do I think it's expensive? Sometimes. But if you can afford it and you LOVE it, BUY IT! I would too.
20. I think I am one of the only scrapbookers left on earth who hasn't used, seen in person, or ever touched a piece of Hambly Screen Prints transparencies or paper or rubs. But I haven't given up hope on this one yet! LOL!
21. A couple of weeks ago I noticed I started to feel depressed looking at all my favorite blogs. And I realized it was because I had started allowing myself to judge my own art to others. And if anyone is honest enough to admit it...It's hard not to fall into a I HAVE TO HAVE THAT or EVERYONE is using that paper, stamp, or chipboard, I NEED it too mentality. The truth is we all want acceptance and adulation. But...(always a but) at what cost? For me it came at the cost of making layouts. I just quit. I didn't want to share. If it didn't have the hottest paper or newest rub-ons, it would have been too embarrassing. Then in my sickness I realized I didn't start scrapbooking because I fell in love with a pattern paper or fancy book binder. I started scrapbooking because I wanted someone to know the story of me. The value of my life and who I am and the family I have created. So here I am...

I have come full circle and feel like a huge load has been lifted from me.

I am just me. My story is my story. And if no one likes it that's OK. Because at the end of the day and when I log off the net the only ones who matter - love what I do. And that my friends is why we all do this.

So these are my truths. I share them with you will clear mind and open heart. Do what you choose with them.

On Monday I am starting something new for me.
And if you would like to come back here on Mondays and join me that would be awesome! If not, that's OK too.

Mondays are going to start my new creative play project.
"My Life Remembered."
Every Monday I am going to do a single page in a journal. Just for me. Just because I do a lot for other reasons and sometimes it is never about me. It will be all sorts of little stuff. Sometimes a verbal prompt, sometimes a materials challenge, maybe a collage, word experiment...whatever it happens to be. And I don't even know what I will use. A journal or a plain old notebook or a book I can alter. I'll choose Monday morning.

And Wednesday I'll post my resulting masterpiece. *snickers*
And if you want to share yours with me, us, the world...You can post a comment with a link to your work, or email me a link or even the picture and I will post it on my blog.

Why am I doing this?
Because I want to. That's it. And I wouldn't mind a few friends either. But if that doesn't happen, that is OK too. No commitments. You don't have to do it every week. Just when ever you can pop over.

So think about it.
Mondays.
Your life...Remembered.

OK, this has been a seriously long amount of crap for you to read if you even got this far...(Yay for you if you did and a HUGE hug from me!) so I will stop boring you with my epiphanies on life and scrapbooking and go make something because I "want" to for me.

Everyone in que for Em's web ring has been approved unless the code is still missing from your blog. Sorry about the wait.

Oh and did I mention I have decided to start making 8.5 x 11 lo's again? That's a whole other subject I'll save for later.

All this enlightenment has led to my deep desire to own this book:



Does anyone own it and if so, do you like it? Love it? Hate it? Please leave me your comments about it! Thanks :)

Tam

3 comments:

Karla said...

DAAAAAAAAAMN! YOu just put me n my place. You slapped me and told me KARLA>>>>WAKE UP! Yeah...I feel EVERYTHING you just said. EVERYTHING! The one thing that drew me to you in the first place was how all of you creations were fun of heart and not an 'in' thing on them. You could make art with a dull pencil.

I am so glad I met you...I am so glad we are cool...I am so glad your not affraid...I am so glad you are satisfied. I am always striving to be satisfied. But now that I think about it...I just need to quite looking at the grass on the other side and chill the hell out!

Love you honey

-Karla

Jayne-Alix said...

Hi

Not commented before and sorry for not posting this sooner but I’m a part time visitor

The big picture book

I got this for Xmas (with much hinting) and although I haven’t tried all the ideas I did find the idea of not having chronologically ordered albums a revelation finally no more pressure to do it all in order.

I’ve not been scrapping for long still under a year but I have fallen for the must have the latest papers, brads, stamps thing and now have way more than I can use. I’m cutting back on my must have lists and trying to get along and actually use my stash. I’m also lucky enough that I have lots of art supplies as I went to Art College a while back & amassed quite a bit that I’ve held on to.

A lot of what you said about not feeling good enough rang very true with me, I spent a lot of my foundation year at college not feeling that I was good enough to be there and never went onto my degree because I was surrounded by people that I thought were better than me. This also went along with my general low self esteem & to top it all off an eating disorder

After at least 15 years (yes I know I don’t sound old enough HA) I’ve learned that we all, yes even those skinny models have talents & they are ALL valid.
I like that you don’t have A STYLE and don’t do the latest thing, I like your approach to your art, I like the way you swim against the stream & I love your site.

And hey at least you know you have readers who like your art I’ve been blogging for at least a month now & I get no comments! ;-(
I’m not even googled yet so you can’t just stumble across my site by accident like I did with yours but may be one day I’ll be as popular as you.

Thanks for reading my ramberling, wow that was longer than I thought, hopefully your still awake & haven’t jumped off the nearest roof.

If you want to see my attempts copy paste to get to

grungedandy.co.uk

Thanks *G*

Sally Lynn MacDonald said...

Hi, Tammy!
I just came across your website when I was googling Hambly. Don't give up! LOL! I loved your post!! Oh my goodness you are a breath of fresh air. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you wrote. And here I am writing up class descriptions and hoping SOMEBODY will want to take them, but of course I have to redo everything to make things current, like every 2 months. ahhhhhh! I will definitely be checking back and looking at your work. Thanks for the glimpse and I look forward to getting to know you better.
SL / Connecticut

 
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