A title escapes me tonight...

So much I wanted to say tonight...
It's 3:05 a.m.
I can't sleep.

I haven't read my blogs in forever.
But I did tonight...And this made me smile like a giidy kid! Congrats Emily, Mick, and Ivy! Baby Yindi is one of the most adorable infants I have every seen! I just want to smooch her cheeks!

And this made me fully of joy for Elise! I found Elise's blog months ago and emailed her. I have an eye for movers and shakers and I knew she would be one. Congrats Elise! Very deserving!

I got the most wonderful card from my friend Alix in LONDON! It is so beautiful Alix! Made me cry! And I know I never told you, but I always dreamt of visiting London and now, in a way, I feel as though I have...Thank you my friend.

Thank you Flapsi for your sweet comment on my post below...Touched my heart.

I know I have been elusive lately...vague. I'm sorry about that.

I mentioned in a previous post I had some procedures done in hospital last week. I received the results Friday at 5:00 p.m.

My x-rays were all negative for stress fractures = YAY!
My blood work showed an highly elevated white blood cell count for the 4th time in a row = :(
I have to have it all done again Monday, no choice.

And my intra-uterine ultrasound and regular ultrasound showed that my enometrium was severely thickened. And that I have a very measurable tumor that they could not diagnos.
.........
.........
I really just sort of went blank with that.

My doctor is refering me to a gynecological specialist whom I should have an appointment with this week. They are calling me Monday.

The only question that I asked was is it a cyst?
My doctor simply said no.

I have no idea what that means.


I know you're probably thinking what I am thinking now...Why didn't I ask more questions? Honestly...I was in shock. Yes, I realized something was wrong. I honestly thought it might be premenopausal symptoms. I will be 37 this month.

Both of my sister has endometriosis. Both had full hysterectomies before they were 45. Maybe...that's it.

Maybe it's a fibroid?
Maybe....

The funny thing I am more bothered knowing there is a strange mass in body that shouldn't be there. It almost makes me ill thinking about it.

I have been ok. I don't have a "poor me" attitude about this. I wouldhave a breakdown if I let myself believe it could be the "C" word. Not for me but my kids.

So I don't. I live just like always. The one and only thing I did ask Dennis to do was recheck our life insurance and consider raising mine. Seems morbid to some I suppose, but that last thing I would want one my mind if things were to turn out badly is will my kids be ok? Can Dennis afford childcare for Cameron while he works? Will as have a car when she gets her license?

I don't know... I'm ok though. Positive everything happens for a reason and God has a purpose for me, and this journey.

And I really just wanted to write this out to let it go...to release it from the weight it has set on me the last few days. And maybe I can go to sleep. Because that is eluding me tonight and my soul feels heavy.

Not a feeling I revel in, nor enjoy.

And all the good news floating around the blogs made me happy...and appreciative for the small things.

Now I am off in search of that elusive sleep...

Hugs to my friends, wherever you are....