Mr. Sandman bring me a dream...

Again with the nightmares....enough already, please.
5:08 a.m. and I really have to find a better way to deal. Seriously.

I had my appointment with Dr. Hines yesterday at Valley OB. He delivered Cameron in 2003. That was a last minute emergency situation though. I had chosen to use the midwives exclusively after my first consultation with them. But the delivery went crazy, bad things, and Dr. Hines had to deliver Cameron via forceps.

NOT enjoyable either, I might add.

But this was the first time we "met". He is a nice man. He has seven children! ALL boys! Crazy!

After tons of paperwork and info swapping he gave me the "news":

Inside the wall of my uterus is a tumor/cyst. He "believes" this is endometriosis. There is also scar tissue at, near and around my cervix. This is from the forceps delivery. And on my left ovary which is distended high into my abdomen is a tumor. Around 1 3/4 to 2 inches. He is unsure if this is endometriosis but he wants to "believe" it is due to the history of both of my sisters. But he isn't sure.

He is concerned because my doctors documented systoms tend to lead more toward a cancerous tumor.

The only way to be sure is surgery.

So today I had a multitude of blood work including a CA-125 blood test. A CA 125 is a protein produced by your body due to a slew of different conditions and is found a lot in women who have ovarian cancer. But the test is not a benchmark and not considered a reliable determining test but as a "more information needed" type test.
I know I thought crazy too.

Within the next 4 weeks I will have 2 surgeries.

The first is a laparoscopy.
Dr. Hines decided since we are not certain of anything at this point a laparoscopy is our best bet to get "in there" and see what is going on. He will do a biopsy of the tumor on my ovary then remove it. The tumor will be sent away for what is called a hard biopsy. A hard biopsy is where a specialist will dissect the mass and test it for cancer and cancer cells.

Then he will look at/diagnose and address the tumor in the muscle of my uterus. If possible cauterize and/or remove it.

Then they will remove the laser and start a second surgery called a D & C with ablation. Basically removing the lining of my uterus and the scar tissue. This will be sent off for more testing.

If however when he goes into my abdomen and finds things are NOT what he believes them to be, meaning endometrisosis and a basic cyst, he will photograph and document everything and then remove the laser and that will be the end of the operations. AT that point he will consult with me again about more invasive measures, such as a full hysterectomy or other issues if he were to see tumors elsewhere like on my bladder, colon, intestines, etc.

After he told me all this he said simply, "There is something very wrong and I WILL find out what it is. You shouldn't suffer."

I was grateful for that.

And after Dennis and I talked with him another 20 minutes or so, I signed a consent. So... that is that.

And now I am scared. I am terrifies of having surgery. This is not my first. I had gall bladder surgery in 1991 and I was terrified then. I am more terrified now.

Not of cancer or that. But of the surgery itself. My blood pressure shot to 170/90. I am so scared. And now the nightmares are back. It doesn't help Dennis is on night side 12 hours shifts and I am home alone all night long. I miss him. I really do need him. Really. He is the strong one. Level-headed, much more positive than I am. How I wish he were here right now so I could sleep.

I guess I will just go play a game of cards or something...Maybe my mind will go numb and I can get an hour of sleep before Cameron wakes up.

Wish me luck.