Grateful

Time for a long overdue update.

I'm sorry to my 2 regular friends that read my blog, it's been a series of ups and downs, good times and bad the last few weeks and most of the time I don't know if I am coming or going and I almost never know what day it even is.

Let's start right off with my Mom.

A day after my last post my Mom was moved from St. Mary's Hospital to a rehab hospital called HealthSource.

I was so HAPPY!
Not so much because she was doing better but because I wanted her out of THAT hospital. I hate that place. The care is horrible and it operates like an assembly line. And what really pisses me off is that NOT ONCE did Dr. Field EVER talk to us in person since my Mom's surgery. What the hell kind of Doctor is that?!?!?!
There are many little incidents I could go on about but won't. Simply because I don't want to go back to those feelings and revisit the emotional roller coaster again.

All I will say is that if my husband ever takes me to Saint Mary's he will be sorry!

My Mom is better. Not herself better but better than before.
I don't know if she will ever be her "before surgery" self again.
That is hard to even type. To acknowledge.

But she is better in a lot of ways I am so thankful for.

She can walk now. She gets tired but she walks.
She only has partial vision from the center of her left eye to her nose. The peripheral vision is gone. They don't know if it will ever come back.
She undergoes therapy; occupational, physical, and speech, everyday except Sundays.
She gets herself dressed and basic stuff everyday.
Some of her left hand functioning has returned but the fine motor skills haven't yet. But therapy is really helping.
She sits up.
She eats.
She laughs.
She talks.
She remembers the past both long term and short term.
She still gets confused.
She still thinks she sees things that aren't there *sometimes* Not always.
She tires very easily.
She sleeps fitfully.
She has pain. Not constant but sometimes excruiating.
Her hair is growing back.

We are hopeful things will continue to get better...
But realistically she probably will never be the same person she was.
She will need live-in care. For how long? No one knows.
My niece will be moving in with her and we are working on setting the house up for her to come home.

She has an estimated release date of July 20th.
This is just temporary if things go well. But it is looking better day by day.

I miss her immensely. I miss "her". The essence of her. The Mom I knew. Sometimes she is there and I feel a sort of peace pass through me. Comfort, joy, grace.

Sometimes when she is having a hard time, I am scared. I feel sorrow. And I pray. I pray to God that she doesn't realize that she is talking crazy or getting things confused and just can't get them out right. Because if she knew in her mind what she was trying to say and it wasn't coming out correct she would go crazy. That's my biggest fear.

But again, I am so grateful. Just grateful she is alive. She knows me, my kids, my brothers and sisters.

Grateful.

Don't take it for granted.
That's my advice my friends.
Tell the ones you love how much they mean to you and what an impact they have had on your life. Don't lose your chance to say the things you should say.

Don't let it happen.