Thursday, June 15, 2006

Learning to Love the Skin I am In...

So I hope I didn't kill anyone who read that morbidly long post last night...
It wasn't my intent to bore anyone to death but sometimes my blog is my personal psychiatrist whom happens to also be me. Once I let everything out and then read it...

It's dissipates.
It's a good thing.

Life isn't always roses and sunshine.

I wanted to send a special shout out to the ever so sweet and ultra cool scrap diva herself, Gen whom survived my mumbling and gave me a boost of cyber love & friendship that was so much needed...

You rock Gen!
In more ways than one & I've said it to you before.
If we met in real life, I would hug you up.

Thanks doesn't seem like quite enough, but I mean it from the depths of my soul.

So back to our regularly scheduled mumbling...

I have decided to take part in Rhonna Farrer's 21 Day Challenge.

This is big for me.
A huge commitment but needed to keep me sane.

My commitment is one I hope to continue far beyond 21 days.
It's also a really personal thing to me.
One I am struggling with in my real world and even this cyber world. I don't differentiate much between the two. The way I "speak (aka: write) on here is just exactly how I speak and am in my real world. So sharing this process will be every bit as hard as if I were sitting in a room with all of you.

My commitment is to:
Learn to love the skin I am in.

What? You may be asking yourself...
It's actually quite simple.

I am not my biggest fan.
I have a hard time just accepting myself, and by myself I mean my physical self.
My face, my body, my hair. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

If you read my blog regularly you will know that the only picture I have posted of myself has been of my feet. LOL!

This is truly a lifelong battle.
A demon that has at times stopped me from doing things I have truly wanted to do.
I hide behind the camera.
I have very few, probably less than 10 pictures of me with my own children. That many with my husband.

I let the fear of people judging me by my looks stop me from living a truly free and accepting life.

It's sad.
I know it.
It's my burden.

I am the only one who can change it.

So for the next 21 days I have promised myself I would take a least one photograph a day and document ME! To see beyond what I think is ugly and try to find the beauty in myself. To love me for me. And let my heart, soul, and personality go beyond the skin that I live in.

I am scared.
Scared I'll chicken out.
Scared to share ME with all of you.
Scared I will be judged and deemed ugly, fat, hideous (insert any ugly verbiage here of your choice).

But as I have come to know all to well lately is that life is much, much too short to live in fear.

So if you would like to come along with me on this journey please do.
It won't be pretty and it's bound to be emotional and really raw.

But it's time.

Time for change.


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