Thursday, June 29, 2006

And the thunder rolls...

Today out the blue it stormed.
Not your typical lightning, thunder, and rain but the kind of storm that comes out of no where and turns the skies from brilliant blue to black and the rain pelts down like liquid lead.

I had just pulled into the parking lot at the hospital and was making my way to the revolving door when massive 1 inch drops started to fall. I was so thankful I had made it to cover because within minutes there were hail balls a 1/2 thick slamming against the earth.

It was scary and beautiful. And ironically poignant.
It was a resemblance of my life these days.

Mom knew me today.
I was so grateful for that.
Something you take for granted everyday and yet so intricately important to your state of mind, your life, your heart.
I so completely understand how families of Alzheimer's patients live in despair. How painful it is to watch the mind of someone you love so completely slip away.

Other demons lie in wait though.
They had to give Mom a drug for hallucinations today.
She thought there were rats in her room and that one of the nursing assistants was a child molester. They said it would help her rest.

It did. She slept most of the time I was there. She needed that, I know. But it felt more like a sedated catatonic thing than a sleep thing. Her head is swollen by the incision. This is also new. Her incision reaches from above her left eyebrow all the way across the top off her head to the base of her right ear lobe. A 2 inch section was swollen. It bothered me. It bothered my sisters. It however didn't bother the nursing staff.

They make light of the situation in whole.
They keep saying she just had brain surgery of course she will be like this.
The funny thing is we were told she would only be in the hospital for 6 days. Then home and back to normal life.
6 days.
It has now been 10 days and she can barely walk 2 steps.

I think they are trying to pacify us and not telling us the "reality" of the situation.
They are pissing me off.

MY sister Connie is going to try and see Dr. Field tomorrow and talk to him. But he hasn't been seen by any of us since 3 days after my Mom's surgery. This doesn't sit well for me. It really bothers me.

He is the best of the best. Or so they say.
Tomorrow I will tell you more about what I know of him but tonight I don't have the desire or the patience.

My back is wrecked. Sitting in those hard stiff hospital chairs for 5 to 6 hours day has sent my back into an ugly place I haven't felt in months. I need to see my doctor. Just for some muscle relaxers or something to make it through for awhile. It's more important I be with my Mom than home in bed.

Not an option.
Not happening.

Think I will lay down and read some back issues of CK, Simple Scrapbooks, and Scrapbook Answers.

Please feel free to send me any books and magazines you don't have a use for. I have a lot of time on my hands these days. And the less I am forced to think about my reality the better.



design by