Friday, August 18, 2006

Creation and Culpability

Nothing ever stays the same.

Did you ever stop and think about that for a second?

We travel through life almost on auto pilot. We neglect to remember that in a fraction of a second things can change. Not that all change is bad but it is change all the same. And nothing, no matter how hard we try, ever stays the same. It may linger in a constant repetitive comfort zone for a while but eventually it to will change.

That's life.

Sometimes I love it.
Sometimes I loathe it.

But as a general rule and a trait of my personality I tend to go with the flow. I ride the tides of goodness and the ebbs and sadness. I try desperately not to get sucked out to a sea of bitterness.

Life can make you bitter. I have seen it happen.

Today I feel old.
Older than my minds normally lets me *think* I am. I have become quite the expert of living younger than my assigned years. This is a good thing. But today... I am faltering.

36. Hmmm....
How should one feel at 36 years of age?
Thankful? Sad? Worried? Content?

I don't know.
The last few days have been a test of my strength in human spirit. My belief in hope. My magic ability to ride an equilateral flow of good and bad.

Funny thing is as I sit here and type I just had to laugh at myself...I type as though I may be reaching out to someone. Knock, knock!! Is anyone there? LOL But I know I am not reaching my hand out nor my voice. I just talk and write just to write. This at times clears my overactive brain and at others forces me straight to my bed with a pulsing headache.

Tonight...It's a 50/50 toss-up.

I made a new banner tonight. I like it. It is a collage of all sorts of images that I LOVE. Things I love. Things that have are me. It not retro persay as I stated I wanted in a previous post but a much better fit to my current state of confusion.

And it makes me feel good. Nuff` said.

The brushes are awesome and from tons of really cool places on the net. Free for the taking with a link back. Simple process even for the novices such as I. Being a strictly PSP user, I was delighted to find such a huge assortment outside the Photoshop phenomenon. Nothing against Photoshop mind you. Hell if I had the mucho bucks for Photoshop I would be using it too. So go on with your bad selves. ;)

If anyone is interested here is the links to some awesome brushes...Gotta love em!
Props to the amazing artists who created them... You have my love and adoration:

Gothica Brushes - Deviant Art

This place..if you have never been here.
Go...Go now!
Deviant Art ROCKS!

~Sicsaxion- brushes at Deviant Art

Totally cool!

Suzanne Woolcott Brushes


Exotika Brushes

Supa Talented!

Tha Sprout brushes

Massive amounts of brushes...In 3 mega packs!

Amanda's Brushes - Awesome Corner Dings!

Brushes by Miinc Design

Major collection here, so much to play with!

K, I'll probably share more of those in the future since I now have about 500 zip files on my desk top waiting to be naked-fied.

*long drawn out sigh*

It's late...3:25 a.m. in the middle of no where Michigan and sleep is fast overtaking my symbiotic ramblings... But before I bid adieu to myself I wanted to express some gratitude to a couple of people that I owe favors of friendship to.

First off... Linds:
Don't know if you will read this or not but if you do.
I'm sorry I have been an A1 crappy friend these last few months. The circumstances surrounding my Mom and the huge change in my sisters and I lives really has done a number on me. Sometimes I am here. Right here on the computer and I wander aimlessly through blogs and web sites and never turn on AIM. Not because I don't want too but because I just get lost in my own self. That's my excuse.

You haven't answered my email so I am assuming things are not so good for the old Tamster on the Linds list but I love ya anyways cuz you have a huge heart...and I will keep that with me.

Sorry, again...


I want to say a HUGE thank you to someone whose name I will not mention.
You know who you are.

Thank you.

Thank you for bringing a bit of joy to my life for no reason other than simply because your kind and generous and thoughtful. Thank you for making me feel like me.
The gifts you sent me. Exquisite and above and beyond kindness truly. Thank you.

You made me cry...Made me feel special...Made me forget for awhile how crappy my life has been lately.

Thank you for thinking of me.
You made a difference.

I hope I can return the favor one day.

Well...Sleep is calling... And I have talked myself out.


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